How to eat eggs for a gun-free society

(inspired by the image)

Gunned – you must be yolking

A look at how to embrace life in a gun-safe society.

As we strive towards a crime-free society (yeah right) it calls upon the macho among us to hand in our guns and confront our regrets about any potential violent encounters with a third party.

One of the treatments recommended for the diminished state you may feel when rendered gun-free is to emulate such weaponry comforts in the cooking of an egg.

Protein fix

For the average individual, ‘gunning for a protein fix,’ one of the most common symptoms, can best be treated by a serving of some pistol-whipped eggs. Fry them up, salt them and add tomato  sauce to taste. That’s just one example of an emboldening breakfast, said to intimidate the enemy with a simple stare,  as long as there are no yolky remnants on your face. This could have the opposite effect, giving your aggressor control of the situation.

Particular to the heavier of the species , is a symptom characterised by a pressing desire to ‘gun down an egg or two’, in a high ‘steaks’ egg fest. Here its best to avoid the shotgun approach, and instead use a revolver, a strategic method statistically proven to hit targets more effectively. Aim release, fire.

Wisdom from science

Having fired, you must hold back on the eggscitement burning in your loins. Scientists warn against becoming a trigger happy hunter at all costs, because over use will wear it/you down and without that trigger you can say goodbye to all meaningful male functionality.

As you power up with eggs, whether you like them pistol-whipped ,  or just eggsactly the way your partner makes them, here is a worthy note of dietary information. The evils of eating cake – typically made with at least three eggs- are well l documented so we won’t even go there. But down to the humble protein – one part yellow, two parts white, fried, poached, boiled or scrambled – on their own you can have you ‘guns’ and eat them too.

More satire on

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Safrea or its members.


One Response

  1. Cool. Gorrit. It is better to load the magazine, or frying pan, with deadly protein. Not sure about ‘White’ and ‘Yellow’. Sounds a little prejudiced. But it is like many Grannies, Oumas, Nonos, Bobbas … Greek, Italian, Jewish, it maters not. They won’t get a gun at you but they might feed you to death. At least they always try.

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