Putin to Trump: I’m rootin’ for ya, buddy. Takes telegraph road

You don’t say?

“Without further details about the reasons for the move – the White House has attributed it to ‘an abundance of caution’ – it’s hard to say what the hospitalization portends. From here, Trump’s illness might dissipate or grow much more severe.” – The New Yorker’s prognosis for US President Donald Trump, who has caught Covid-19. Hard to argue with that, really. 

Donald Trump – meme
ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE: Donald Trump’s illness has unleashed the internet.

On the one hand…

“If Trump experiences only mild symptoms, he may feel that he has acquired new ammunition with which to attack the advice of public-health officials. Alternatively, if his symptoms worsen, it could take him weeks to recover; if his condition grows serious, that could cast doubt about whether he should remain on the ballot… His participation in the next Presidential debate, in less than two weeks, is now uncertain.” – The New Yorker waxes hopeful in the same medical dispatch. 

Donald Trump Covid-19 treatements
AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION…: Donald Trump, the US president, as some on social media imagine him, recuperating from Covid-19.

Поскорее поправляйся

“I am certain that your inherent vitality, good spirits and optimism will help you cope with this dangerous virus.” – Russian President Vladimir Putin in a “telegram” to his US counterpart, according to the Interfax news agency, as reported by Reuters. A telegram? Apparently you can still send these, but in this instance it’s more likely to be shorthand for an official communique of some sort. Do you know for sure? Answer on a postcard to Safrea Chronicle. The best reply wins a handsome crocheted Covid mask, as worn by real hacks. T&Cs apply.

Telegram to Donald Trump
GET WELL SOON: Fraternal greetings from Moscow. Picture: Wikimedia/Greg MacKenzie / lordoftheloch

Low notes

“Carey tells of trying to slip out of bed at night after he falls asleep, to get a snack downstairs or to write some lyrics or enjoy a moment to herself in the Westchester mansion she calls ‘Sing Sing,’ only to be shocked by the invisible fence of his voice through the intercom: ‘Watcha doin’?” – From Mariah Carey’s new memoir, which touches on married life with the uber controlling Tommy Mottola, the record mogul. The Meaning of Mariah Carey is reviewed in the New Yorker

Knot today

“But today, it is not that day. So for those who are feeling knots in the stomach, today is not your day. It’s my dad’s day.” – Casleigh Kinnear, son of murdered policeman Lt-Col Charl Kinnear, addressing mourners including senior SAPS officials at his father’s funeral on Saturday. Kinnear had been investigating a guns-to-gangsters racket, allegedly involving the police Central Firearms Registry before his assassination, TimesLive reported.

What’s a few million among friends

“On the 27th September 2020, I issued a statement acknowledging the fact that before the lockdown, King Shaka International Airport had served between 5 to 10 million passengers.” –  KZN MEC Nomusa Dube-Ncube, ahead of the resumption of Emirates flights to Durban on Sunday, 4 October. Five million… ten million… good to see you’re not letting pesky details bog you down, Ma’am.

It’s raining puns, hallelujah

“First it rained for SA’s foremost 5G network when the ad watchdog told it to stop saying it offers high download speeds or that its unlimited data is continuously available. Now it’s poured, with a ruling by the Advertising Regulatory Board (ARB) appeals committee that Rain’s belated attempts to calm the storm were less than convincing…”  – Dave Chambers, Cape Town bureau chief for the Slimes, receives the Weak in the News’s Word Gag of the Week award for this intro to this story. And his sub colleagues get the Golden Em Rule floating trophy for the headline that accompanied it: “Rain gets another brolly good scolding for exaggerating its torrents”. 

Pitso bounces

“Pitso Mosimane will be missed as a force in South African football but his appointment by our continent’s flagship club strengthens the bonds of friendship between our two countries.” – President Cyril Ramaphosa on Mosimane’s move to Egyptian football club Al Ahly. Ramaphosa, as was widely reported, said it demonstrated African unity and capability.

Mosimane leaves Mamelodi Sundowns, having coached the Pretoria club to five Absa Premiership titles since 2012. During this time, the 56-year-old’s team scored a host of other domestic and continental honours, including winning African club football’s highest league in 2016. And last year Mosimane led Sundowns to a 5-0 rout against Al Ahly in the CAF Champions League. A case of, if you can beat them, join them.

Top table

In the same statement, the president also offered his congratulations to the South African Tennis Board for securing South Africa’s hosting of the 2023 Table Tennis World Championship, to be staged in Durban. “We especially welcome this recognition of our nation’s capability at a time when the world is focused on a global pandemic,” said Ramaphosa

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